I turn 19 and suddenly everything is getting difficult to comprehend and yet is tangible. I don’t want to put a name to this sensation, but thats probably because my vocabulary is small. The past two days have been one of the most exhilarating times of my life. I wont pen down the details, as some moments are better off in the memory. But this I would say: I feel reformed. It’s a rather shallow thing to admit to after such Enlightenment.
Discovering is different from Uncovering. Believing is different from Knowing. Fascination is different from Inspiration.
“And they ask you about the ruh. Say: The ruh is one of the commands of my Lord, and you are not given aught of knowledge but a little.” [Al-Israa, 17:85]
I chose a profane path, and yes I was convinced once that the Answers never existed in hearts of men. I chose to live a rather materialistic, degenerate life. But now I see that nothing is deprived of Answers that I seek. Oblivion is indeed everywhere. And I must free my Soul from such self-inflicted cynicism. I am in a phase where the body is in a constant conflict with the soul. Tranquility is not in me. And I need to feed myself. It’s about time i guess.
The rapturous comfort after conversing with a being who knows more than you do, and can readily answer any question put in his way without digressing from the core, cannot be described in words.
“Faith is ineffable, so is our search for God.”